Feeling: Just read...
Random Thought: "Ah," she said, "but I wake alone, I sleep forgotten, I wake forlorn."
Music: None.

Tonight, I took a long shower, gave myself a semi-facial and sorta-manicure, ate ice cream despite the fact that it's winter, watched two movies, and thought way more than I should have.

Now, I'm thoroughly confused about something I have no business being confused over. I'm about to turn 27 years old. I should know me by now, shouldn't I? I shouldn't be suddenly realizing that I don't know who I am, or where I'm going.

Bah, this mess is all because of that dream I had the other night. It's got to be, there's no other explanation for it. Since then, all I've been doing is waiting for the next blow to come my way.

And it will come. It's inevitable for my kind. Whatever kind that is. The cursed ones, maybe? Those of us who have forced ourselves behind that locked door for one reason or another. It's gotten to the point where even when I try to imagine my life exactly as I wish it could be, I feel out of place in it. Or worse, I can only hear my own echo.

Too bad I can't stand the sound of my own voice. It's why I'm so quiet, you see.

I don't want to be wildly happy. I just want to be... quietly content. I don't think that's asking for much, but it eludes me. No matter what I try, or what I tell myself, it brushes past me each time. What's wrong with ME, damnit? What did I do to deserve...

Oooh, that's right. Yes, yes, it's my fault. "Straighten your spine, you brought this on yourself, and now you simply have to face the consequences." Isn't that what I really keep telling myself? And am I not tired of hearing it?

I've gotten off track here, this isn't what I meant to say. I just... think too much.

I'm so confused.

<< - >>

Save The Rayne! - 2004-12-27
Want some popcorn? - 2004-06-23
- - 2004-06-19
Pfft. - 2004-06-12
Wheehaa!! Going to see PoA! - 2004-06-02

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