Feeling: Bitter.
Random Thought: .......Her.
Music: Bush - Chemicals Between Us

Had another dream about that girl. I don't understand it, and it just fucks with my head.

The bullshit I got from Silver the other night affected me more than I think I'd care to admit. I hate it when he does that. I feel like I've been declared a freak and have been put under a microscope for it. I fucking know that I'm all alone and no one wants me, I don't need him or ANYONE ELSE reminding me.

But how many times has he made me cry because of it now? Five? Six? Perhaps I've just lost count...

Whatever. *brushes it off for another day*

*sigh*

I feel like I'm just biding my time. Soon, I'll completely flip my lid. Land my ass in a mental institution or something. Or break something. Or someone. Or myself.

Maybe that's my problem. I'm so fucking determined that I won't be broken by anything or anyone. Gotta be the opposite of what you think I am, so that you can never touch me, let alone break me. And when all else fails, I declare you Nothing and walk away.

Maybe if I played into the hands of others, and allow myself to be molded this way and that, I'll be mindlessly happy. Perhaps if I politely do as I'm told, and meekly bend to the will of everyone that comes into my life, I'll find some meager crumb of bliss.

But the very thought of it makes me sick.

*thinks for a while*

I can only come up with two people I'd ever allow inside of these walls I've built up for myself. One is now married. The other is.... well, that's a big "NO," too.

..............

Right. That's enough bleeding for tonight. *removes blade from heart*

Tune in next time when we discuss childhood scars.

<< - >>

Save The Rayne! - 2004-12-27
Want some popcorn? - 2004-06-23
- - 2004-06-19
Pfft. - 2004-06-12
Wheehaa!! Going to see PoA! - 2004-06-02

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