Feeling:
Random Thought:
Music:

Empty. That's how I feel right now. Fucking hollow.

I hate it.

I don't like feeling like this, and I wish I could just get over it already. I want to laugh or cry or scream. I don't care as long as it's not fake or forced. Anything other than this dry, dull nothingness.

I'm not sure if I should talk about it, or if I should just keep sucking it up until it's forgotten.

I keep having these flashes of memories that just come out of nowhere. But instead of feeling something, it's almost like it's not real. As though my entire life was a movie up until Saturday. Or worse, I keep thinking that it'll all be such a good story to tell my dad when I see him again--as if he were coming back.

I want to damn the world for daring to continue, but I just don't have drive to do it, if that makes sense. I don't have the heart or the energy (or whatever) to hate time for having the audacity to keep moving forward. And I'm so tired of sitting here, wondering who will be the next to disappear, and when that will happen.

I think I've grown tired of the pain. So tired, in fact, that I have shut my mind off from all genuine emotion. I don't want to smile and laugh, but I've trained myself to do just that. Better to have them think I'm just holding it together that well, than to have anyone worry that I'm really not doing as great as I appear to be.

I don't know anything anymore.

I don't know where to go from here. I don't know where the fuck I was coming from, anyway. And I certainly don't know how to deal with this shit that I'm being forced to face.

I feel like I've walked into a cold and empty room. I've completely forgotten why I'm there, or how the hell I got there in the first place. But most importantly...

How do I get out?

<< - >>

Save The Rayne! - 2004-12-27
Want some popcorn? - 2004-06-23
- - 2004-06-19
Pfft. - 2004-06-12
Wheehaa!! Going to see PoA! - 2004-06-02

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