Feeling:
Random Thought:
Music:

I waited.

And waited... and waited. Part of my waiting was my own fault for having left my parents' computer connected to the Internet, but that's beside the point.

He was able to get through around 7 p.m., and ended up not getting here until around 10 p.m. The closer he got (for some reason, he kept calling me to tell me where he was and how much longer it would be), the more nervous I became. I wasn't jumping-out-of-my-skin nervous, but butterflies were definitely part of the equation. But by the time he pulled into the driveway, I'd talked myself down well enough.

Then I saw him.

And my first thought was Gah! Couldn't he have a *least* had the decency to AGE or grow ugly or *something* over the last few years?! Yet, there he was, walking up the back steps, looking every bit as good as I remembered.

The little "meeting" went well enough, and it was great talking and laughing with him again. In fact, by the time I walked him out, I was thinking That was easy enough. In fact, it was nice--even if it WAS business-related.

Then I noticed that he had a new truck, and walked further out to look at it. Then he started talking about his life now, and how he's wanting to sell the truck, and how he's really wanting to make a go of this whole venture of his. And suddenly, I'm happy to be a part of that--even if it is just a small part.

I ask him about the girl he's with now, and he says that he's been dating her for a year. She practically lives with him. And just as I decide to leave it alone, he mentions something that indicates he's not happy in the relationship.

And my mind holds those words, while it conjures up all of the images and thoughts and sensations from so long ago.

And I know it's time to walk away. Just walk away. Don't think about it. Block it out, and just walk away. And so I did.

But the thoughts are still there. So I berate myself.

Rayne...you stupid, silly girl...let it go. Let it float away in the night. Don't play into that again. Don't be the pawn you were before. It won't work. There was never a chance in hell that would work. Nothing's changed. In all those many years, nothing's changed.

Nothing's changed.

Not even the way I feel.

<< - >>

Save The Rayne! - 2004-12-27
Want some popcorn? - 2004-06-23
- - 2004-06-19
Pfft. - 2004-06-12
Wheehaa!! Going to see PoA! - 2004-06-02

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