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I know I've said this about a billion times already, but I'm saying it again.

I'm NOT having any babies!

Some people may think this is cruel or that it isn't natural or that I'm not fulfilling my purpose in life. But, right now, it's my perogative to be cruel and unnatural and unfulfilling.

Besides, you should pity any child that would have to call me mother. I have no patience, I'm absent-minded, and I have a problem with foul language (a habit that I cannot seem to break, and am becoming more and more convinced has something to do with genetics--I come from a long line of sea-faring Irishpeople). I may end up taking my kid on vacation, then come home only to realize that I've misplaced the poor child in another state (or country!), and then cuss him/her out for not following me home like a good baby should.

Who cares if it can't WALK?!

*ahem*

See?! I should have my baby-birthing rights taken away already!

Just in case you didn't guess this from my ramblings thus far, I went baby shower shopping today (er...yesterday). As always, of course, this got me thinking about a day when *I* may have Mini Me's of my own.

I'm sure all of those people in hell will toast the happy occasion with their nice, tall glasses of iced water on that day, too...

I've known some pretty high maintenance people in my lifetime--my sister being the queen of them all, of course--but none of them have reached the maintenance level of a baby yet! They require all sorts of lotions and creams and ointments and wipies and body washes and powders--it's a mind-boggling myriad of grooming and hygiene products! They use enough products to cleanse and buff an entire third world country!

And then YOU have do it all FOR them!

Oh, and don't even THINK about doing something they don't like. Then you'll end up with this screaming, squirming, snotty-nosed little monster and YOU DON'T WANT THAT, MAN!! IT'S NOT PRETTY!!

Don't get me wrong, I'm cool with other people's kids--mainly because they go home with their parents, and I can usually just hand the child over to Mommy whenever he/she starts squirming and/or bawling.

For the record, however, I would like to point out one fact that I've learned about myself from my relationship with my nephew (who is five now, and was the first grandchild in the family): I start liking kids a lot around the age of four. That's about the time that they start becoming more rational conversationalists, and are able to clearly tell me what's wrong and what can be done to fix the problem...not to mention that I begin learning what they think is cool and can therefore adjust my bribe toys accordingly.

Bribe toys. That's another example of why I'd be a bad mother. I not only *consider* resorting to bribery--I actually DO IT! So far, my nephew has a very large collection of Batmans, Hot Wheels cars and trucks, and a few other little whatnots thrown in for variety.

What I wouldn't give to bribe a NIECE with BARBIES!

*starry eyes*

Sorry, wishful daydreaming there...

Anyway, everyone tells me "you'll want kids one day." But I've heard that for so long now, I can't help but wonder when (or even IF) "one day" will ever arrive. Is my biological clock still quietly ticking away, or have the batteries always been dead?

And if it IS still ticking...will I be ready when the alarm sounds?

<< - >>

Save The Rayne! - 2004-12-27
Want some popcorn? - 2004-06-23
- - 2004-06-19
Pfft. - 2004-06-12
Wheehaa!! Going to see PoA! - 2004-06-02

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