Feeling: .....
Random Thought: I need a nap.
Music: none.

I'm just copying this from elsewhere 'cause I don't feel like recounting it all over again...

First of all, I was in there for TWO FREAKING HOURS! They did an EKG, and took two vials of blood. Needles, yay. Meh, I have no problem with needles, really--as long as they stay away from my spine (Reason #355 Why I Will Not Be Having Children). I mean, when you have to have shots in your mouth every six months between the ages of 9 and 17, you tend to get used to seeing and feeling them.

Anyway, so they ran all of those tests. EKG was fine. Cholesterol was fine (in fact, it was better than the last reading they did three years ago). I'm not at risk for anything, and as he put it, I have my grandmother's genes. Just for the record, the women in my mom's side of the family all live forever--exceeding 90 is not uncommon. But then you have my dad's side, where you're lucky if you hit 60, and if you do, it means that half of your life (or more) was affected by all sorts of hereditary diseases and conditions.

I swear, when my mom and dad decided to procreate, it was like "Oh! Let's see what happens when we cross T-Rex with a chihuahua."

So, getting back to the point of all of this... it basically means that the prickly, pinchy little heart pains that I've been having are indeed related to anxiety. He renewed my prescription and told me to start power walking fifteen minutes every day.

It was a bittersweet diagnosis. I mean, hell yeah, I'm relieved that it's not something serious, but at the same time... Y'all just don't know. I was doing good. I wasn't on that fucking medication, I was handling my stress pretty well considering the circumstances, and I thought I was going to be alright.

I really, truly, honestly thought i was going to be alright.

But I'm not.

*sigh* So, now I'm just debating on whether or not I should start the medicine again. I mean, the exercise will work wonders (duh), but part of me feels like that would only be half of the process. Sort of like with serious depression--you can go to therapy and work on the problem(s) that cause it, but what do you do for the rest of it? What do you do for the symptoms while you're sorting out everything?

What's worse is that I can't talk to anyone about this because no one can crawl inside my head and experience it the way I do. *shrugs* So, I'll just deal with it alone as always. No biggie.

I called my sister to see if she'd like to start walking with me in the evenings. I told her exactly what the doc told me. "Fifteen minutes of power-walking every day. Your goal is to get your heart rate up." She comes back with, "It's not how fast you walk, it's how long. We'll start out with a mile, then work up to two or more." She has this thing with being difficult. And a control freak. I'll probably end up ditching her and doing that part by myself, too. Which is fine. We've got an entire field out behind our house and there's a "track" where the boy that lives next door rides his 4-wheeler. As long as I don't get run over or splattered by mud when he comes flying by, I should be alright.

Meh. I'm tired of typing now.

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Save The Rayne! - 2004-12-27
Want some popcorn? - 2004-06-23
- - 2004-06-19
Pfft. - 2004-06-12
Wheehaa!! Going to see PoA! - 2004-06-02

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