Feeling: Content
Random Thought: Well, at least my thoughts are calm now...though still not worth sharing...
Music: Third Eye Blind - Deep Inside of You

Well, last night was... interesting.

I called Silver, and he mentioned that he'd finished reading the Evanovich novel I'd bought. Heh. I didn't even know he had it, but since I haven't had a chance to read it myself, it doesn't really matter.

So, I said that I would come out there an get it (mainly because when I do get around to being able to read it, I'll want it to be right there--I won't want to drive 10 miles out in the country to get it). He said that was cool with him, so I got off the phone with him, and in the truck I went.

When I got there, Two Towers was playing (and had pretty much just started), so I sat down and started watching it. Matt was there, and whenever Silver finally put in an appearance--not sure where he was for the first 15 minutes after I arrived--he told me he'd forgotten that Roo had started reading it. "If I give it back to you before she's finished, I'll be a son of a bitch for the next six months."

So, instead of just coming home and calling it a wasted trip, I stayed there and actually had a pleasant time. Roo came home about 30 minutes or so after I got there, and I got to have a nice, long visit with her sans children. They'd both fallen asleep on the way home, and though Asa had awoken when they arrived, he didn't last long in a conscious state.

Anyway, long story short, after a decent (I daresay, fun) night, I got ready to leave. Silver walked me out to the truck, and here's where the best part of the night took place...

He started out by telling me that he finally "lost it." This kinda threw me off because I knew what he was talking about (the grief had finally hit him), but I was under the impression he'd "lost it" a while back. He explained that he'd just told my mom that he had so she wouldn't worry that he was "denying his feelings" (or some crap like that), and because he didn't want to look like some coldhearted fuck for not being able to grieve for the loss of his father.

But he finally did. And he said it was all because of his bathroom floor (the one he'd revamped just before Daddy died).

And he thanked me. For being the one to tell him that he'd died. He said if it had been anyone else, he would have reacted violently--even if it had been my mom. But he said that he was so grateful that it'd been me, because I'm the last person in the world he'd ever want to hurt.

This threw me for a loop, because of the way he'd been acting towards me lately. I couldn't bring myself to say "you're welcome" because that expression implies that one would be more than happy to do so anytime in the future. Needless to say, that is not the case. Therefore, I could only explain the reason why I went out and met him like that--to tell him myself.

I told him that when I saw those people, dressed in all black, save for the big yellow "CORONER" written on the back of their shirts, it was like getting slapped in the face, punched in the stomach, and dunked in ice-cold water, all while someone's pulling your feet out from under you. I couldn't let him or my sister feel that. Just them knowing was going to be bad enough. I didn't want them to know what it felt like to be shocked so badly you couldn't breathe.

Bleh, this is already long enough. We talked about other things regarding the situation, and I was able to relay some of my own perspective to him--with me living here in the middle of it. He seemed to understand, and I hope that he did...

Either way, I woke up this morning feeling better than I have in a while. As I said to Neci earlier today, I feel like I have solid ground beneath my feet again (for now, anyway), even though my circumstances havn't changed. I still have the same responsibilites, and I'll still have to deal with the same bullshit I've been dealing with these past couple of months, but I just somehow feel better about it all.

I guess that the conversation we had last night, and the way he talked to me... it just reminded me of who he is to me, and who I am to him.

I've needed to be reminded of that. More than anything.

<< - >>

Save The Rayne! - 2004-12-27
Want some popcorn? - 2004-06-23
- - 2004-06-19
Pfft. - 2004-06-12
Wheehaa!! Going to see PoA! - 2004-06-02

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