Feeling:
Random Thought:
Music:

I wrote an entry earlier. I deleted it, though, because immediately after I wrote it I tried to go to sleep, and ended up tossing and turning.

You see, I really DID overcome some problems that I had with this one girl from my past (who will forever remain nameless--even nicknameless--because that is now, more than ever, in the past)--which was the context of the deleted entry. But I picked up a new set of problems in the process.

You know how I lied and told Slutty that I went to Atlanta the weekend of her baby shower? Well, today she asked me if my grandmother knew that she had a baby. I, of course, said, "I don't know, I haven't talked to her. My mom might have told her, though."

She said, "Oh. You didn't go to Atlanta with her?"

My reply: "Um...yeah..."

And before I could get *anything* out of my mouth beyond that, her former foster mother (who was sitting there with us) piped up with, "Hehehe, but you didn't talk to her."

It then dawned on me that she didn't say "does your grandmother know that I HAD a baby?" She said "does your grandmother know that I WAS HAVING a baby?"

I've mentioned in my last two entries how I'm so NOT having a good time lately, and how I seem to be more pissy than usual. Well, let's just say there was a train whistle going off inside my head at this point.

I recovered the fumble, but the damage was done. The seed of doubt has been planted, and there's no question that this chick will go out ASAP to cleverly interrogate my grandmother.

I won't ask my grandmother to lie. She's an honest person. I can't do that to her. This was MY mistake. I should have been honest. I should have told Slutty the truth from the start.

But no, I wanted to be nice. I wanted to just keep things as smooth as possible, and then disappear again without hurting anyone's feelings. The only way to do that, however, was to lie like a dog.

I won't be doing that anymore.

No, I'm now actually HOPING she doesn't leave well enough alone. I want her to poke her nose into it. Because THEN she will get exactly what she's asking for. The complete and downright ugly truth.

I don't want her in my life.

We are not friends.

<< - >>

Save The Rayne! - 2004-12-27
Want some popcorn? - 2004-06-23
- - 2004-06-19
Pfft. - 2004-06-12
Wheehaa!! Going to see PoA! - 2004-06-02

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