Feeling:
Random Thought:
Music:

I was extremely sensitive as a child, which accounts for me barring the way to my parents bedroom and tearfully wailing, "No, Daddy. Don't do it. Please don't BEAT THEM!! PLEASE?!"

"Them" refers, of course, to my older sister and brother. They were always getting into trouble...and I was always sticking up for them...softening my parents up so they wouldn't be too harsh in their punishment.

And yet, they still never cut me any slack. They ragged me horribly for my shortcomings, and took every opportunity available to belittle me in one way or another.

Oh, the joy of childhood and siblings.

Dingy was actually talking to Silverwind the other night (they haven't been talking for quite some time because of a little row between them), and they started talking about how I used to beg my parents not to punish them for their wicked little ways.

I think she's secretly grateful--though she'd never say such a thing out loud.

Anyway, that made me think back to my childhood--even though I've been trying very hard to block it over the years.

In hindsight, I can see that I was a very strange, very misunderstood child. And I was (like I said) way too sensitive. I was also way too wise for my age. I was constantly trying to think and act two steps ahead of everyone else around me.

Sometimes I failed, sometimes I didn't. But it was always a constant struggle.

I simply couldn't stand to displease anyone.

Tragic, isn't it? I spent all that time and energy in childhood (as well as in my teenage years) making sure that I pleased everyone. And now that I'm grown-up (for the most part, anyway), I want nothing more than to be the most unique egg in whatever dozen I happen to find myself at a given moment.

Of course, that uniqueness isn�t always appreciated. For instance, when you work in customer service and one of the sales people from the NY office calls you up, irate about something you screwed up, chances are saying something like, "Dude! You SO shoulda been in the Godfather movies! You sound JUST LIKE a mafia guy when you�re pissed!" Yeah...that kind of uniqueness isn�t favored at all.

Trust me.

But sometimes it IS a good thing. For instance, cutting a joke when everyone is stressed out (as long as it�s in good taste, and reflects the general opinion of everyone in the group), can be a total tension-buster.

I know, I�m getting off the subject.

I was talking about my childhood.

Gah, I was a complete oddball. My sister was the little social butterfly, and my brother lived for hating my sister--as well as extending the boundaries of his own personal limitations.

I was the one who went to school everyday in hand-me-down, non-matching attire. And I didn't care one bit that I was horribly embarrassing to Dingy (who is only two years older than me, and was therefore stuck with me through most of our school days). I was the one who actually made good grades. I was the one who didn�t get braces (Silver did�Dingy was born with perfect teeth).

In short, I was a dork.

An outcast.

A social disgrace.

And if I could go back...I wouldn�t change one minute of it.

<< - >>

Save The Rayne! - 2004-12-27
Want some popcorn? - 2004-06-23
- - 2004-06-19
Pfft. - 2004-06-12
Wheehaa!! Going to see PoA! - 2004-06-02

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