Feeling:
Random Thought:
Music:

Let's tell it in the second person, shall we? Surely it will make it a bit more interesting...

------------------------------

You feel so isolated.

You have no life. You have no friends. Well, none that you can actually speak to face-to-face, or with whom you go out and have fun. You've been denying it for so long, but the truth is, you really don't know those two people you thought were your friends. That was made very apparent the last time you saw them. You were sitting there, trying to deny the fact that you felt like you were in the presence of total strangers.

Two whole people that you actually tricked yourself into believing were your true friends. And they're nothing more than two more bodies that populate the planet.

One is a mommy, now, and seems happy to be so. The other has a boyfriend, and will probably be engaged before long. Sure, you're glad they're happy, because they deserves to be. Everyone deserves to be happy.

But why can't you be happy?

You can pretend to be content with your life. That's easy. You just keep telling yourself that you're perfectly fine with the fact that you're no one, and you're doing absolutely nothing with your life. For the most part, you believe it. It moves you forward, gives you a reason to take your next breath.

Then the sun goes down, and the blessed quiet you crave so much comes at last. But you can't stand it, can you? It's almost as bad as closing your eyes to sleep. You're reminded of how far removed you are from where you long to be... of all that's missing... of all that you can't have because someone, somewhere obviously decided you weren't worthy of such things.

"No," you tell yourself, "no, that's not right. I do deserve to be happy. And I will be happy. I just have... responsibilities. I have things that I must tend to now so that when my happiness comes, I'll be ready for it. I'll be ready to enjoy it."

Yes, tell yourself that, if it makes you feel better. But deep down inside, you know the truth. You know what you want, but you will never have it.

Never.

<< - >>

Save The Rayne! - 2004-12-27
Want some popcorn? - 2004-06-23
- - 2004-06-19
Pfft. - 2004-06-12
Wheehaa!! Going to see PoA! - 2004-06-02

�