Feeling:
Random Thought:
Music:

I'm a joke.

I can't count how many times I've heard this phrase come out of my mother's mouth.

And what better place to learn the art of self-defacement than from a parent?

I am a joke.

I should have known better. I should have kept it covered, hidden, chained, something--anything. I *knew* better. But no. I played into it, and got lost there.

I don't have much to be proud of. This was it. It was all I had. Now it suddenly makes me sick.

I don't know when I tricked myself into thinking there was something important, something special about me. But right about now, I'm wishing that I could go back, and beat the almighty living shit out of myself for even thinking about it.

I don't know where to go from here. Suddenly, I don't know who the fuck I am, what the hell my purpose is, or even if there's solid ground under my feet.

Maybe I should just disappear for a while. I'm thinking it would probably go unnoticed. There's just one little problem.

How do you disappear when you were never really there?

And while I'm tossing out unanswerable questions....

How do you stop being something you're not when you have no other alternative?

<< - >>

Save The Rayne! - 2004-12-27
Want some popcorn? - 2004-06-23
- - 2004-06-19
Pfft. - 2004-06-12
Wheehaa!! Going to see PoA! - 2004-06-02

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